


I let you fly because I love you free

by Mimisempai



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Animagus, Animagus!Rafael, Animagus!Sonny, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-it everywhere, Proof of love everywhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:22:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27050386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimisempai/pseuds/Mimisempai
Summary: Rafael and Sonny are happily married, and while Sonny is away flying for a few hours, Rafael takes some time for himself and discovers proofs of Sonny's love everywhere...
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30
Collections: Barisi Creatures Bingo





	I let you fly because I love you free

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MollyKillers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MollyKillers/gifts).



When Rafael slowly came out of his sleep, he became aware of three things. The first was the absence of a warm body next to him, the second was the morning light coming in through the open window, and the third was a small post-it note, illuminated by a ray of sunlight and placed on the pillow where Sonny was not.

He took the post-it and read what Sonny had written. It was short, and exactly what Rafael expected.

_ Raf, _

_ I had a bad night. I needed to go flying. _

_ I love you, _

_ Sonny _

Taking a quick glance around the room, he saw the pile of clothes on the floor below the opened window,which confirmed that Sonny had gone flying in his animagus form. 

It had been a long time since Sonny had sought freedom in his eagle form, that he needed to take the time to be alone, to fly to forget the nightmares that haunted him. 

Rafael had taken some time to understand that it wasn't because Sonny didn't want to see him or couldn't bear his presence. Sometimes Sonny just needed to be a bird and Rafael had to let him.

Rafael decided it was time to start the day. After making the bed and putting on a bathrobe, he walked to the kitchen, stopping to look at the pictures that filled the hallway wall.

There were family photos there, blood related and not, many taken by Sonny. He dragged his fingertip along the frame of a picture taken on their wedding day. A rather ridiculous picture that the photographer had absolutely wanted to take, Sonny smiling, his face framed by Mike and Nick kissing him on both cheeks. Mike and Nick were their closest friends. Rafael would be forever grateful to them for supporting Sonny while he was away. And when he came back, Sonny's two friends had become his friends, integrating him into their little circle. Rafael, who had been alone for so long, had come to appreciate being part of this small group of friends.

He couldn't help but smile when he saw this photo and the one next to it in which Sonny and him were supposed to be looking at the camera, but they were looking at each other, and Rafael was happy to see Sonny's smile immortalized in this photo. But his throat was always tight when he looked at his own face in this picture. He looked so happy. 

A happiness that he didn't think was for him at the time.

He continued towards the kitchen, taking a moment to look at the photo of Sonny surrounded by a group of nephews and nieces, and fell in love again, the light from this photo was so beautiful and most of all it kept Rafael's desire to have a child in their home who would make Sonny smile in this way. 

Sonny was present everywhere in their apartment.

When Rafael arrived in the kitchen, he saw the tray of his breakfast ready, as he had always done for years, and he imagined Sonny's movements in the kitchen to prepare it. This morning there was a box of coffee that he didn't know about. Rafael took off the post-it stuck on the box to read it.

_ Alfredo said that your coffee hasn't been delivered yet, but that it tastes almost the same. Try it. Or throw it away and get a Starbucks if you're not happy. I love you. _

He put the post-it in his pocket with the first one he found on the pillow. 

When Sonny started working as an ADA, they realized that between his work hours and Rafael's work hours as a judge, they tended to miss each other a lot. So Sonny started leaving post-it notes, and Rafael would answer them. Over the years, this became an essential part of their relationship. Not just for urgent matters, but for general messages, and sometimes just a sweet thought written down for the other to find later.

Rafael sipped his coffee, which, he must admit, was really not bad. He looked at the calendar hanging on the wall with scribbled events and Sonnys' work schedule for the week hanging next to it. He saw that Sonny would be having three long days in a row, starting early in the morning. He was disappointed for a brief moment, as they would not be able to lie in together for several days.

But since he wanted to make life more enjoyable for them in the same way Sonny always did, he went to get the ingredients for scones. Blueberry scones were Sonny's favorite. As he wouldn't have time to prepare anything for the following mornings and Rafael didn't want him to forget to eat, he prepared him scones.

He took one for himself, then wrapped the others in a plastic container, and stuck a note on top explaining that Sonny won't be useful to anyone if he starves to death, and that Rafael didn't want the blueberries to go to waste.

After folding a load of laundry, he decided to settle down in the living room and read, today was a day of rest for both of them, he should take advantage of it.

After two hours of reading, Sonny hadn't come home yet, but it was far from being long enough to start worrying. He might have decided to visit friends or family. But it was more likely that he was flying high in the sky. One day he told Rafael that there were only two things that made him forget his nightmares, flying above the clouds and kissing Rafael. Too bad Rafael didn't wake up to allow him to comfort himself with the second one.

Looking for something to occupy his mind, he picked up a small crossword puzzle book that Sonny had given him the other day. Sonny could barely go shopping without bringing back a small gift, usually for Rafael, but for his friends and family too. If he saw something that reminded him of one of them and it was within his budget, he would buy it.

Rafael took a ballpoint pen, put on his reading glasses, sat down in the sofa and started filling the crossword puzzle. He had the satisfaction of filling in the grid quite quickly, although it was a level 5, and when he turned the page to do the next grid, he had the pleasure of seeing another little post-it.

_ I got you the highest level. Even if you are a genius, I hope it will be enough for more than a week. With Love. :) _

Rafael smiled and ran his fingers over the familiar loops of Sonny's writing.

3 grids later, his hunger led him to the kitchen where he prepared something simple, a small salad, and cut an apple for dessert. He made enough for two, in case Sonny came back soon and decided he was hungry. He used the French Dijon mustard he preferred, the one they don't sell at the corner grocery store, the one Sonny drove an hour to get for him on purpose from a French grocery store. Rafael thought that they should soon return to Paris or maybe go to Italy or Greece. Sonny usually organized the trips, but a surprise was always welcome. Rafael decided to talk to an agent next week. His heart beat just a little faster at the thought of Sonny's smile when he found out the surprise. It was still what he liked to see the most, this smile, even though he'd been seeing it for years. 

He walked around the living room. 

When the roles were reversed, and Rafael found himself in the need to take on his animagus form and just be a purring cat for a while, that's where Sonny usually found him, cowering on the carpet in front of the fire. He tended to be a little clingy in this form. Completely the opposite of Sonny. In fact both searched in their animagus form what they didn't find or dared to ask for in their human form. Sonny a need for escape, wide spaces, freedom and Rafael an even greater closeness, to be touched, cuddled. Things that he would not ask for by being him.

Sonny always gave him the gift he needed no matter what shape he was in, animal or human. But always more when he was a cat because he knew that this was what Rafael needed at that moment. Proximity. He stayed close to him, was very generous with hugs and pets, took him oft in his arms, fed him.

Rafael and Sonny defied all natural laws, a bird and a cat together. Who would have assumed that the human Sonny and the human Rafael would be a likely combination? Certainly not him. But they were perfect together in a way that Rafael would never have dared to dream.

Rafael told himself that Sonny's nightmare must have been especially hard for him to stay out so long, but he trusted him to tell him about it when he needed to.

In the meantime, he randomly chose an old record and headed for the record player. It was a French song,  _ La Vie en Rose _ , something Sonny always tried to get him dancing to. But Rafael never wanted to, because Sonny was an horrible dancer, and he always ended up crushing his feet. Then, as always, face to the sulky pout and beaten puppy eyes, Rafael gave in, rolling his eyes and sighing.

A small post-it fell off the cover when he took the album out and he bent over to pick it up. It was short, probably scribbled afterwards and left for a future Rafael to read. Sonny did it sometimes, and Rafael loved it. 

_ Raf, with you I see la vie en Rose. Love.  _

He read it a dozen times and then put it in his pocket. This little piece of paper might not be warm, but Rafael felt a familiar warmth spreading through him.

Music filled the room and Rafael opened the living-room window to let the breeze in, and Sonny if he decided to go in that way. 

Rafael lay down on the sofa, the book started this morning in his hand, put his head on one armrest and his feet on the other. He was quickly absorbed by his reading, humming the song distractedly. When it got to the part that Sonny mentioned in his little note, Rafael started singing out loud too, and as his voice faded along with the music, he heard a slight flutter behind him.

Rafael stood up, looked over his head and stared at the amazing brown bird. Sonny was home.

The eagle flew off the window sill and across the room, settling on the back of the sofa where Rafael sat again. He just tilted his head and looked at Rafael with his smart, piercing eyes. Sonny's eagle shape was beautiful, and what was disturbing was that his eyes, instead of having the yellow color of an eagle's eyes, they had kept their beautiful shades of blue. Rafael reached out his hand to gently caress his head, Sonny leant on it in response and then landed on the floor behind the sofa disappearing at the sight of Rafael before reappearing in his human form. Sonny immediately went around the sofa and lay down on Rafael who pulled on one of the plaids placed here and there permanently for this purpose. 

Rafael covered them both before hugging Sonny.

"Hi," Sonny said softly, half a smile on his face. "I missed you."

"Hello," replied Rafael, and pressed a kiss on the dimples on Sonny's cheeks. "Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah, I'm better," Sonny answered. "Did YOU have a good time? I'm sorry I haven't been here most of the day."

"Of course you were here," replied Rafael. That was the truth. Sonny was always there, even when he wasn't physically. Rafael could see him everywhere. There were traces of him, of them, everywhere. And when he left, he always came back home. In Rafael's arms.

He tangled his fingers in Sonny's hair and put his forehead against his. "You're here. And I'll always be waiting for you. Always."

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Sonny in the form of an eagle is not something that comes spontaneously to mind. But when I saw a buzzard flying near my home, I thought, beeing able to fly as high as it should really free the mind. And my twisted mind associated that with Sonny...who knows why?
> 
> Thank you Sarah for the Beta reading.
> 
> To MollyKillers who is always so kind and supportive <3


End file.
